HSEP42: How/Do I Create My Own Reality? Total Experiential Accountability

Understanding how unkindness and violence isn’t personal

The purpose of this inquiry, is for us to see how our experience is created from the inside out, rather than the outside in. The common assumption is that I’m experiencing something ‘out there,’ or I’m experiencing an aspect of reality that I’m separate from. This assumption, proclaims (in some way) that I’m a victim of circumstance. This goes both ways, for both positive and negative experiences. The assumption is… my experience is positive or negative, because of what’s happening ‘out there.’

magnifying glass

The transformation is to see that the positive or negative is created from the inside, and has NOTHING to do with the outside. This is to say that what happens in life, is inherently neither positive nor negative. What is positive or negative, is only so because we deem it as so.

The power in this understanding is to also see that if I create a solely negative experience, then that thought process leads to further creations that support the negative assumption.

For example, if I assume that a business interaction is entirely negative, then I will follow up on that experience in a way that reinforces the interaction as being devoid of value or any growth opportunities. What happens here, is that I interpret the experience as negative, which creates emotional pain, and then I blame the experience for giving me that pain. This ‘creation’ pushes the experience away from me, which also means I cannot learn and grow from it.

Naturally, we could also interpret an experience as positively negative. Meaning, it might not have been ideal, but there’s something to learn here, so the next encounter can lead toward what is ideal.

The power of creation, that we all posses, is our power of interpretation. This is also our creation of meaning. As we look at what’s happening, we are in the act of creating. What we experience, is what we ‘think’ is happening; the story we tell. What we ‘think’ is happening, is our creation of meaning. The false assumption that makes life way more difficult than it has to be, is the assumption there this is meaning outside our creation of meaning; there is not.

Life, as a landscape, is inherently free. Everything that is, is completely allowed to be what it is; whether you like it or not is irrelevant. The rain is allowed to be the rain, and your experience of the rain will be determined by how you see the rain. The rain has zero power over you, as it relates to you having a positive or negative experience. The rain can neither make you happy nor make you sad. The more you blame the rain for your experience, the more you proclaim you are powerless.

This points toward what I call “Total Experiential Accountability.”

Total Experiential Accountability

Whatever I am experiencing on the inside of what I am, be it lack or abundance, joy or suffering, progress or stagnation, success or failure, has absolutely nothing to do with the outside.

In the example of lack and abundance, the question is: “what do I think I’m seeing, and is it really that, or is that just my interpretation?” For one person, not having enough money to do what you want, is evidence of lack. For another person, it’s evidence of an opportunity (abundance) to find ways to add more value to the lives of other people, so you can make more money. The initial interpretation, here, will foreshadow the next steps. The “lack perspective” will create feelings of victimhood and retract into a world of limitation and blame, pushing away any potential opportunities. The abundant perspective, creates an opening in awareness that invites insight, direction, growth, and learning.

The same could be said for illness or dis-ease. Asking oneself, “Is this a problem or an opportunity?” can prompt radical self-care and the elimination of factors that may be contributing to the illness. Alternatively, it can lead one to give up and blame the world for their experiences. In my work of guiding individuals, I have witnessed countless instances of people using illness and disease as a catalyst for discovering what is truly important. What was once viewed as a curse can transform into a perfect blessing that helps them make meaningful changes.

Another important point to be made…

One of the mind’s tricks to avoid this discovery, is by trying to apply this insight to other people’s experience. Let me ask you some questions:

  • “What is somebody else’s experience, outside my interpretation of their experience?”
  • “What does their experience mean, without me creating meaning for them?”
  • “Even if someone else tells me what their experience means, what do I think their meaning means?” (Their meaning, is actually my meaning)
  • “Am I experiencing somebody else’s experience, or am I experiencing how I see their experience?”
  • Is it possible that what I see as negative for them, they could see as positive? Are they not free to see it as they see it? And… why do I need them to see it differently?

The more I unravel this, the more I realize that I don't experience other people as they are, but rather I experience them through my perceptions. The more I assume that I am experiencing other people, the more I will want them to conform to my expectations. This also implies that I am giving other people power over me. This only leads to a lack of love for others. In some ways, it says, “You should be how I want you to be so that I can love you.”

Okay! This is a great start for diving into this topic, even though there’s so much more to explore here. I’m excited to dive more deeply into it during the live video broadcast on “Holding Space for Love to Be Seen.” Tell your friends!