HSEP38: I'm Invisible, No One Sees Me; Deep Truth!
One of the great restrictions I've experienced is the concern about what other people think of me. It's quite remarkable to consider how this concern has limited my ability to truly enjoy my life. I have spent many moments trying to avoid the opinions of others, or expending mental energy to devise strategies on how to make others like or approve of me. All the while, I was completely unaware of how futile and impossible this activity was.
Yes, within the human experience, there seems to be this voice of authenticity that says, in some way, "I want to be seen." I would also suggest that this voice is valid; however, our interpretation of this voice is often misconstrued. The deeper question is, "Who do you think you're talking to?"
On the surface, we think we are talking to other people and the world. We think the statement says, "I want other people and the world to see me." Yet, this is impossible, and if we pay attention, we find constant evidence of this impossibility staring us right in the face.
This reminds me of a person that says, "I want to be famous," which is another form of saying, "I want to be seen." It's a fundamental yearning that looks for validation, that looks for proof of one's worth and value. However, for anyone who has experienced any degree of fame, you quickly find out that it's not what you thought.
If this misunderstanding is not clarified, then one may be tempted to endlessly seek more and more fame, as if what they have is never enough; still searching for the same validation. Someone might want to have 1,000 followers, thinking that if they did, they would finally feel fulfilled. There is the assumption that "If 1,000 people liked me, then it would be proof of my worth and value." However, this 'proof' is simply an imaginary rule one has created, or a condition they have set up, that is entirely based on their belief in that rule or condition. In reality, there is no rule or condition that says 1,000 fans means one has 'made it'. Because of this, if the goal is reached, one soon realizes the illusory nature of the condition. Sure, one might have a moment of satisfaction, as they give themselves permission to feel satisfied because their condition is met, yet, that only lasts for a few minutes.
We eventually realize the fleeting nature of this validation, almost like a doubt that says, “Wait, do they really like ‘me’ or do they just like what I do?” It’s also like asking, “Do they really see me?” We ask this because they don’t, and if we don’t see that, we assume the solution must be to get more ‘likes’. Which, of course, is a never-ending cycle of seeking more and more validation that goes nowhere.
“I Want to Be Seen”
Who do you think you're talking to? I'll tell you: you're talking to yourself. What you're really saying, which is what all humans are saying, is "I want to see the truth of what I am". This is an ancient call from within us that wants to be fully alive, that desires to express the fullness of who we are. We want to see the miracle of what we are. To truly see what we are is to also see our inherent worth and value, independent of what anyone else thinks about us. This is the greatest and most real form of validation; the validation we are all looking for.
The disaster of getting our validation from others is quite obvious. If we allow ourselves to feel good because someone likes us, then we need to make sure they continue to like us in order for us to feel good. We have just become a prisoner to the mental content floating around in someone else's mind. Tada! 🪄
The question of "will they like me tomorrow?" comes with an obvious uncertainty, so we can't actually relax right now because we need to make sure our value in their eyes is secure. How do we do that? Again, we'll tell you: by not being ourselves and being what we think they want us to be. We can't be ourselves, for that is the greatest threat to holding on to people's opinion about us. Being ourselves requires us to let go of what other people think.
Here's the further, sufferable, dilemma: the more we want others to validate us, see us, the more we can't be ourselves; which means we move further away from being able to see our true selves. How can we see what we are, if we're not willing to be what we are?
We chase the world's validation at the expense of being authentic. We live the life that others want us to live, at the expense of living the truth of who we are. Is it any wonder why we feel so starved in our souls, or why we feel so disconnected from our own authenticity? Or why we feel SO unseen? Interestingly, in our feeling SO UNSEEN, we blame it on the world and others; when really, we feel so unseen because we are not allowing ourselves to see ourselves. Again, tada! 🪄
I'm Invisible, No One Sees Me
Here's the profound point (DEEP TRUTH!): No one actually sees me because everyone sees... what they see. If I paint a picture, no one sees the picture I painted, everyone sees their own painting of my painting. Additionally, when they view the painting, they definitely don't see the painter. Sure, they have thoughts about the painting and the painter, but those thoughts do not touch the painting or the painter. In fact, their perception of them both is their own reflection of 'how they see.' Similarly, if I like the winter, it doesn't say anything about the winter; more so, it speaks to how I relate to the winter; I'm seeing myself as I see the winter. Me thinking the winter is right or wrong, valid or invalid, acceptable or not, says absolutely nothing about the reality of the winter.
If the winter is looking to me for validation, it's looking in the wrong place. I cannot truly validate or devalue the winter. The winter looking to me for validation would be an expression of insanity; simply trying to do something that's impossible.
This really speaks to the mental challenge of constantly thinking or questioning what other people think, and the mental energy here, essentially, goes nowhere. It's an absolute waste of time; when really, you could simply be getting in touch with the sincerity of what you are and living in alignment with your own heart and values. What great freedom to let people see what they see, and you be the beautiful brilliance of what you already are.
Again, for the third time... Tada! 🪄
Come join me live, or watch the replay, on today’s 2nd live broadcast for the Holding Space for Love to Be Seen, Broadcast!