3 Tiny Shifts = 1 Big Shift
For myself, there are 3 small shifts, that create 1 big shift that alters how I show up in the world. I asked for some feedback on Facebook, asking 3 questions that seem to get in the way of these shifts. I got many beautiful responses.
Here are the 3 tiny shifts…
Shift 1: Mindset, Self Value/Worth
Shift 2: What's Actually Possible
Shift 3: How Simple it Really Is
Whether in your Health, Relationships, or Business, these 3 tiny shifts will transform your life from swimming upstream to FLOWING downstream.
Here is a summary of the questions asked, and my responses.
Q1: What seems to be the block to seeing just how valuable you are to the world?
A: Not understanding what the world needs and how I can offer value.
🐯: This is great. The issue here is we are looking outside ourselves for the answer. The solution isn’t about what other people would find helpful, or even what you think the world needs. The solution to understanding your value is understanding what has been valuable for YOU.
The path isn’t finding something to teach others. The path is sharing what you have learned, and as you share, you learn even faster. What you learned, is what has been valuable to you. And… if it has been valuable to you, then there will be other people who also find it valuable; guaranteed. The depth of your value to offer is the depth of growing/understanding you’ve been through, in any particular area.
Essentially, as an example, you could do a 1-year deep dive on a subject you’re passionate about, learning as much as you can. Then, after that year, what you have learned is super valuable to other people who are passionate but haven’t started.
A: Other people’s projections.
🐯: Yes, this is a big one… If, you want other people to give you permission to be you. What helps me so much in this shift is deeply seeing that other people don’t see me. If I share my jazz music with someone who dislikes jazz music, should I stop playing jazz music? The person who dislikes jazz music doesn’t see what I’m creating, rather, they see their dislike for something; they see themselves.
If I’m looking for permission to enjoy what I enjoy, from those who don’t enjoy what I enjoy, then I will forever be lost and disconnected from what I enjoy. This also means I’ll separate myself from the opportunity to grow more deeply into what I enjoy.
Maybe more honestly, if I was struggling with this, I would look to see how I’m using other people’s projections as an excuse for me to keep hiding.
Remember: Other people’s projections, are my projections about other people’s projections. So, regardless, of what their projections might be, still… I’m the one giving their projections meaning; which it means, what I’m experiencing… is my projection about their projections. What I think is their projection, is really my own.
A: Feeling like I'm not really being heard.
🐯: Well, a few things here.
If you want to be heard, you’ll look for the ways you’re not being heard. In some regards, I recommend stopping wanting to be heard and focusing more on your ability to communicate. Drop the assumptions that you should be heard, or you deserve to be heard. Being heard comes down to 2 things.
Your ability to communicate, effectively.
You are talking to the wrong person.
Effective communication is crucial for ensuring that your value is heard. Many difficulties in relationships, business, and self-understanding arise from poor communication and blaming others for our lack of skill. This is like blaming a piano for not being able to play it. If you want to be heard, learn to communicate better and stop blaming others for not listening to you.
The second point is about the audience. If you talk about a great recipe for the rib-eye steak to a vegan, it might seem like you are not being heard. This is because you are talking to the wrong audience.
Q2: What's the thought that seems to create a future full of lack and limitation?
A: Too much to do, not enough time
🐯: For many of us, the excuse of "too much to do, not enough time" is a great way to justify not doing anything at all. Whether it's because we fear failure, worry about what others might think, or finding more ways to hide, this excuse is super popular, but not helpful.
It's like the question, "how do I save $100,000 in 1 to 3 years?" At first, for many, it seems like too big of a goal. Because of that, they don't investigate how it could be possible. They don't investigate what they need to give up for it to happen. They don't realize it starts by saving $10. Because we might assume it's not possible, there's no openness to allow for it to be possible. This is also a way we keep ourselves safe from experiencing failure; we just immediately assume it's "too much," or "there's not enough time."
Maybe more accurately, the question is: "what can I do?" and start there.
Also, crazy things happen as you put your heart and attention toward a worthwhile vision and purpose. Doors open up, other doors close, time seems to expand or contract, and things are discovered that catapult skills, resources, and connections. The point being… do something, everything, that honors your opportunity. Start communicating to life, that this is important to you.
A: Comparing myself with Others
🐯: You can’t really compare yourself to others. What you do, is compare your “self idea” to your “idea” about others, and your idea about others is so far removed from the reality of others. Because of this, it’s an absolute waste of time. You think you’re doing something you’re not really doing, which is also why it goes nowhere, as it remains a distraction that disempowers you.
Once again, I have to come back to the game I am playing and stop focusing on the game I ‘imagine’ others are playing. Where I am, right now, is THE opportunity. I can only GROW from where I am now. It’s where I am now, that contains the lesson for me to get beyond where I am right now. So, if I want to grow, I must face my reality right now.
The more disconnected I feel from a future that’s more abundant, only shows me how disconnected I am from my present moment opportunity. Yet, if I was focused, passionate, and engaged in something worthwhile, I would have little to no concern about my future.
A: I am without the support I need, or the resources to get that support.
🐯: The way I like to approach this, is: support and resources show up when I’m ready to receive that support and/or resource. It’s an inside-out process, rather than an outside-in. The support and resources I have, are simply a reflection of what’s happening inside what I am.
Additionally, if I feel like I need or want support in a certain area, rather than seeing it as lacking, I ask myself: “how can I prepare myself to receive this support?”
This question leads me to look at where I am, and see how I can position myself to receive. As an example, someone might say… “If only I had an investor in my business, then it could succeed.” Yet, if you look at their current business, they are even set up to receive that kind of support. If that support came in, they wouldn’t even know what’s next. Because of this, a lot of the time when we say we want support, we are actually just making excuses that avoid doing the work we CAN DO now. In a silly way, we want to secure the future before we make any steps now.
Another thing I’ve found incredibly helpful, as it relates to receiving support, is asking: “What am I willing to give or give up, in order to have the support I need?”
This is a big one, especially if there is a mindset that thinks you ‘deserve’ support without an equal energy exchange. Often, the best support you can give yourself is to invest in getting support. Just like any training or education, if it’s truly valuable, it’s going to require an investment on your end. Many people, though, because they fear failure, refuse to invest in themselves because they don’t believe in themselves.
How do you develop the skill of believing in your ability? Invest in your ability.
Q3: Why does it seem difficult to make meaningful and fast progress?
A: Difficult tasks and tasks I don’t enjoy
🐯: Success often comes down to one question: "WHY?" If the reason behind a task is compelling enough, even difficult tasks become important opportunities for learning and growth that bring you closer to your vision. Conversely, if the "why" is weak or insincere, it becomes all too easy to give up or make excuses. This applies even to tasks that you might not enjoy.
From a mindset perspective, when faced with tasks that I don't enjoy, I try to approach them as if I'm teaching someone else how to do them. This helps me streamline the process and eliminate any unnecessary steps. Then, when the time is right, I find someone who enjoys that task and pay them to do it instead. This way, I can work intelligently and efficiently, even on tasks that I don't enjoy. In the end, it's not about the task itself, but rather the process of working smart for future benefit.
A: Lack of clarity
🐯: Many people operate in survival mode, just trying to get by month to month. However, it's important to shift from 30-day thinking to 3 or 5-year thinking. Short-term vision can create emergency-type stress and hinder meaningful progress. Meaningful growth takes time, but a lack of clarity and focus about the growth you'd like to experience can make the process even longer.
As a playful exercise, ask yourself… in the next 3 years:
Which area of my health would dramatically improve, because of the decisions I will start making right now?
What will my relationship life look like, if I start becoming more conscious of and honest about my patterns of blame, today?
What would my financial life look like, if I stopped spending money on stupid shit and either saved that money or reinvested in my own growth?
How successful would my business be, if I started taking better care of myself, eliminating distractions, and starting preparing for more success?
These questions may be a great start, but they are only the beginning. The point is to understand that big growth is made up of the little steps you take today.
A 10% improvement every month, for 3 years, equals a total improvement of 4,645%. That is a huge growth.
A 5% improvement every month results in about a 200% improvement.
A 1% improvement per month for 3 years would result in about 35%.
You can consider these percentages as degrees of focus and clarity. For example, with the "health decision," what if you had to look at that statement every day and visualize the end result for 10 minutes? This would increase focus and bring the decision to the front of your awareness. You couldn't have some degree of progress, more so than having zero focus or awareness.
This growth doesn't happen simply because we want it to or because we think it should. It happens because that is where our attention goes. Most people have their attention spread out, unfocused, and paying attention to things that simply do not support their vision.
A: Personal issues and self-destructive patterns
🐯: Buwahaha, I so know this one 😂. I used to be the king of self-destructive patterns.
In some way, in my work, I’m a caretaker. I support others, hold space for others, listen to others, etc. I say that only so I can say this quote: “If I don’t take care of the one taking care of others, then the one who takes care of others will do a terrible job taking care of others.”
Taking care of myself is what helps me take care of others. Taking care of myself is the first priority so that I can properly take care of others.
Now, if you’re taking care of others, or serving others because you want validation, then you will bypass taking care of yourself; and suffer the consequences of it down the road. You’ll probably end up blaming those same people for the consequences you are now with.
What was the shift for me that allowed for transformation through these patterns? Arrogance. Assuming I could do it on my own. This also resulted in being closed off from support or finding new ways to view my experience. The phrase “I should be able to do this by myself,” was cutting me off from the support that life was trying to bring me. Really though, I was just trying to protect my facade, protect an image, rather than embracing the raw reality of my struggle.
At one point, I had enough struggle in an area and paid someone to help me, 80% of all the money I had at the time. Their expertise changed my life in 30 days. I was both overjoyed and comically pissed off. Why did I wait so long 🤦♂️. It was a perfect time, I was finally ready. The impact it had on my life, to this day, is now worth 100’x what I paid.
Okay. Full disclosure: I wrote that pretty fast. It was supposed to be a 600-word newsletter, but… turned into this blog post. Hopefully, any errors you find aren’t too egregious 😝.
As always, if you need any support with this stuff, you can explore the possibility of working with me 1on1 here. Maybe we maximize your growth and focus, saving you years of unnecessary heartache, pain, and struggle 💪.